dreaming of albion. surviving pregnancy and cats every day. heroin is bad but recovery is pretty great.

I really have come so far. Wow.
I’m almost 7 months pregnant with my soulmate’s baby. We are getting married. We have so much ahead of us.
Two years ago, I never thought I would find this person. I was so, so lost. My schedule was dictated by a drug dealer. I had literally no hope left.
When I look back at the person I thought I was two years ago I’m overwhelmed with a mixture of embarrassment and joy. I had no idea how the world saw me, only how I saw myself. And I saw myself as somehow the epitome of rock and roll, this badass with a syringe in her pocket and a chip on her shoulder. I don’t know where I got the notion that I was some sort of rock and roll goddess, but it was still there. I lived in fear of life and how I was going to live it. Fear of money, fear of my parents, fear of myself. I was my own worst enemy. I get so much joy out of knowing that’s not me anymore, and even more out of knowing I allowed myself to change and become the person I’ve always meant to be.
I may not be perfect, but I have someone who makes me feel like I am. I may still have fear, but it’s rational and justified.
I am who I always should have been. I can’t believe it, but I finally am.

This time of year makes me horribly nostalgic. If I wasn’t pregnant…. The things I would revert back to doing…

Okay

If the libertines are getting back together I will sell my first born (who is currently cooking) to be able to see this happen, swear to god someone please get me there even if I’m 9 months pregnant when it happens